My Journey

There's nothing really spectacular about today. At least not yet. i'm at my desk as usual, trying to sort through the pile of work on my table. i'm listening to my collection of slows. Tony Braxton's Breathe Again is playing............now its Sarah's fallen. thank God for music. i mean , what would i have done if i didn't have all this music to help me preserve my sanity in this place. On most days, i feel like my dreams are being stripped away from me, like i'm changing. I never in my dreams envisaged myself in this environment. Such inefficiency. Its like we're worlds apart. I spend all my time trying to retain "my self" as me. Its tiring. My boss has called for me as usual but i'm ignoring him. He never does anything. i wonder what they pay him for sef.

There's no one with the intellectual capacity to cahllenge me in this place. Maybe thats why I'm so bored. I'm tired of having to listen to old wives tales every day of the week, spiced up with gossip here and there of course. I wish i had people my own age around. People who watch discovery channel), know how to operate their own mobile phones, have boyfrineds and girlfriends (not husbands and children). What i would give right now to be be under pressure, to have a report that will require my staying up all night to finish, to be part of a team of young intellectual people trying to turn a dream into reality, to have to wear a suit to work, to have to speak oyinbo all day long. Oh what i would give.

Theres no one with vision here, its all about the gossip and envy. No one to motivate you, no one to stimulate you to want to be better, despite the fact that they're way older that you (makes you wonder where all the wisdom of the elderly dissapeared to). these people only watch Africa magic and AIT. Not that theres anything wrong with that, if you don't mind being intellectually empty.

Please forgive my whining, i'm just tired. i'm greatful to God for this place, (honestly I am) but i long so much to be a young person again. I really miss those good old days at school. I remember how it feels when i go visit my friend at her hotel. seeing them coming from work in their suits, their laptops, their fake fone, all tired, happy and seemingly satisfied. Makes me feel like i'm wasting away here. I mean i'm not being intellectually or for that matter, "characterly" challenged in anyway. Its dangerous when you're young. I spend each day praying God to please help me keep my head above water.

I have tried o, I really have, the fact that I'm like the most important member of the Unit (No Kidding!) attests to this. My reports don't get corrected, my recommendations, most of the time usually get approved, my Boss gets so mad if i miss work for One day (cos its trouble for him). At first it was fun but quite frankly, I'm tired. I want to feel like a young person again. I want to be challenged. These people here are just using me to get trips and other stuff. They are not even intersted in their own self development, talkkless of others. Most of them can't even use Microsoft Word. I've tried to show them that they need to improve, but they are so stuck far back in their laziness that they wont even take the time to learn. You show them once, they're gonna come get you again when they need to do it. Annoying.

I'm not saying they are stupid, its me i'm worried about. I can't wait to get outta hear. December can't come soon enough. Its like a nightmare that's never ending. They'll be okay, they've reached that point in their life where they feel its okay and they have nothing to loose anyways. But for someone like me, who has a vision for life, its tiring. I feel so alone. No one here matches my desire, my goal and my fervency to achieve them.

I've had to carry my dreams all by myself all this while. Not even in my home do they have the encouragement i need. I dont blame them. Life has dealt them so many blows that they probably dont want to aim so high anymore, probably cos they are afraid of dissapointment. At least they pray for me sha and I know they do it with all their hearts. God, I hope you're listening. Please help, I'm really scared and lonely.

I'm carrying the weight of an entire household on my neck. They all somehow fell along the way at some point, but by Gods grace, somehow, i've managed to pull through. Made it through school in record time, always been top of my class.

I don't wan't to have to go through all what they had to, i've done everything in my power, andd i've prayed. A little encouragement would be nice every now and then, but it neva comes. The people that sorround me only remind me of home.

Anyway, time to move on in this journey to trail blazing. I think i feel a little lighter now or maybe just plain stuppid. Whatever ..................I'll be fine. (I Know). Someday, i'll be posting how everything turned out great and things are better, you'll see. But i could use your stories, yep, i could.